December 27, 2017
A few days ago, I took a drive with my son to go visit my parents and we got into an eye-opening conversation. I was telling my son how I gained weight and I had been procrastinating to take back control of my healthier lifestyle. My son looked at me and asked a simple yet profound question, "What can you do about it and why would you wait?"
He continued on to assure me that it’s okay to procrastinate for a bit. I knew he was right, but I also knew that my inner voice would eventually make me look at the home within that I worked hard to build. In that moment, I made a promise to myself that I would eliminate 3 negative habits and add 3 positive habits.
To get back on track, I said I would stop drinking coffee and eliminate wheat and dairy from my diet. I promised myself that I would replace those eating habits with raw food, green juices and a weekly workout regimen.
But I also knew it would take effort to get back into my healthy routine. I recognized that I had not been pushing myself to focus on my health recently because it would feel like a restrain in addition to the one I was already battling - a 2-year divorce.
The divorce process took every inch of me and my body and made me feel like I was at war with myself. The last thing I wanted to do was wake up at 4 am and practice or eat raw food. I wanted nurturing, warm, cooked food, but I didn’t want to make it myself because I had no desire to be in my kitchen - a place where I shared love and laughter with my family that was now falling apart.
I had been so caught up in the external world and the court - focusing on abuse and unsettling issues - that I almost forgot my practice. For the past 20 years, my practice had supported me along the journey of ending a long and unhealthy relationship and finally moving forward. But I had eventually found myself putting more emphasis on morning coffee and extra hours of sleep instead of nurturing my home within.
Some kind, non-judgmental words from my dear friend, Anne Novak, truly helped me through this darker time. "Rest and when it’s time, you will get back on track." She kept reminding me not to stay in the victim space and that everything in my life was here to teach me something.
While I drove across the Tappan Zee Bridge with my son, I could hear my inner voice and Anne's words come to surface again. It told me that I am ready to take charge of my life again, wake up and be steady, and I agreed. If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that when I make a decision, I don't wait, I take charge!
And in that moment, I saw the beauty of the situation. My son was teaching me the lesson of love and nurture. That we are here on this Earth to circle our energy and stay grounded. It's important not to attach to material possessions or to our issues so much that we forget who we are. We must always put more energy into what we desire and what is aligned with our highest Self.
So now, I am on the beginning of my journey of returning to my healthy lifestyle. I am happy to be practicing my Abyanga belly oil massages in the morning again. And although I feel the strong withdrawals of coffee, I still feel more alive, clear and energetic.
Adversity is real, but it strips away everything, and whatever is left is the source of who we are. All that matters is that we are fully awake, aware, and ready to face the day, but from a place where we are connected to serving our lives and not as victims of this crazy world.
In closing, it feels good to be back and to regain control of my body and mind and to realize that what we put into our body directly affects our lives and everyone around us. We have a responsibility to better ourselves - for us first - but also for anyone we are lucky to call part of our lives.
With love and gratitude,
January 10, 2019
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October 18, 2017